Today has been one of "those" days... the kind that begins at 3am, with child #1 and a croup-like cough. You stick them in bed with you where they continue to cough and keep you awake till you finally decide that it's "morning" enough to get out of bed.
You do do all of those things that have to be done in the morning, waking up children #1 and #2, who don't want to be awake because of the late hour they were up till the night before, with a grumbly, draggy, sluggish attitude. You pack up lunches, yelling at child #2 to please put her pants on and come eat her breakfast whilst trying to comb out child #1's matted bedhead. Finally you tell everyone to get their backpacks, shoes, coats, and breakfast and just get in the car. You do this not one, not two, but three times. I practice the 7's times tables with #1 in the car between telling #2 to PLEASE stop wiping your syrupy hands on the seat!!! Arriving at school I sincerely tell #1 and #2 that I DO love them and to have a good day- and to #2, don't get any reminders! As I pull away and they walk into school I want to scream, #2 has NO coat on. Seeing as it was only 30 degrees out, a good mother would probably have rummaged around in the car, found a jacket, turned around and taken it in to her child... I've never claimed to be a good mother....
Upon arriving home I try to do an exercise DVD first thing, get it over with so I can continue on with more pleasant tasks for the day... like laundry. #3 doesn't feel well today and just wants to be close to me. I don't know about you but I find that doing pushups with a 30lbs child on your back is hard. But hey, I AM the one with the "If they helped you get you in the condition you're in, why not use them to help ya get you out." saying, so pushups with a thirty pound monkey on my back it is.
Laundry. I am always behind on that stuff. Like I can't ever just be caught up! My goal for the day, kinda, was to get it done. Well... it is now 5:15pm and... the "last" load is in the washer... however, it's almost jammy time... which means... another load of dirty laundry sitting in the hall... >.<
Between laundry, dishes, vacuuming and a child that insists on being held, I get some dinner going in one of my besties, Crockpot. Nice chilly day for soup! Mmm! It will be so nice to have this good, hot, soup ready so we can all just sit down for dinner this evening. I'm doing good! <pat on the back> I have a few minutes so changing the left brake light bulb on my car seems like a good idea. I'm handy like that... sometimes. And I don't want to be pulled over for it again. Ick. I am so very irritated to discover that it is not merely a bulb problem, but is something way beyond my handy abilities to fix. Grumble, grumble. I am soooo getting a ticket for this stupid brake light being out. Mark my words.
I go to fetch my #1 and #2 from school, in stealth, cop avoiding mode. I need to be there early so my coatless #2 doesn't stand in the cold and freeze to death. Hooray! No reminders today! Homework went without a hitch. Sweet! Apparently the entire 1st grade class flunked last weeks spelling test so we're doing a repeat. Hmm... I forgot... or never knew... that my husband wasn't going to be home for dinner. If I had remembered... or known... I probably wouldn't have went through the trouble of filling Crockpot up with all that delicious soup. Oh well, the children and I will do our best to put a dent in it. Guess what! #2 apparently "hates this nasty, old, gross soup"... as does #3... something about the carrots being "matchstick" style vs. "chips"... sounds like crap to me, but hey, if she doesn't want soup then she can just eat the leftover scraps out of her lunchbox! (Not a good mom...)
I'm not sure what the point of this post was going to be... I will blame that on not getting much sleep last night. I think, because of the title, that I was going to tie it in with being thankful and grateful for things in my life like having laundry, having a car, having soup- even if it has "matchstick" carrots in it. Being grateful that I have children, even if they don't always listen and hate my cooking. I really hope that maybe someday, instead of being grumbly, and complaining about all the things that are "wrong" I can start focusing on the things that are right and good. I know I am blessed and that I really do have a lot to be thankful for. So act like it!
Well, I'm off to enjoy this rare evening with no extra-curricular activities, with my children. I truly am thankful for that!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Of Love and Sharpies
Last night I had told the girls to go to their room, tidy up and get their jammies on. A little while later I took some laundry in to put away and there was Mia, laying on the floor, no jammies on, doodling away with a Sharpie. My immediate reaction was irritation and frustration. Mia! What are you DOING?! Where are your pajamas and what are you doing with that SHARPIE?! Give it to me and get your pajamas on NOW. And I huffed out. Why can't my kids just listen to me? It's getting late and I'm tired!
When I went to climb into bed later that evening, there on my pillow was this.
My heart broke and tears sprang to my eyes. She had only been trying to tell me she loved me. She was trying to show me she loved me, and I yelled at her. What is wrong with me that I am so blind or caught up in myself and what I want to be doing- or not doing, that I could overlook something so huge? I should have taken her into my arms right then and there and told her how much I loved her too. How much I treasure her. And then, in a nice tone reminded her to get her jammies on. :-)
I am aware that I do this a lot, I fail so many times, but last night really struck home. Help me Jesus, help me to be aware and take advantage of these moments I'm given. Not to let my own selfishness and frustrations get in the way. I only get one chance with these children that I love. If I don't make the most of it, how foolish and wasteful is that? Help me to notice and make the most of the little things, the moments that are flying by all to fast.
When I went to climb into bed later that evening, there on my pillow was this.
My heart broke and tears sprang to my eyes. She had only been trying to tell me she loved me. She was trying to show me she loved me, and I yelled at her. What is wrong with me that I am so blind or caught up in myself and what I want to be doing- or not doing, that I could overlook something so huge? I should have taken her into my arms right then and there and told her how much I loved her too. How much I treasure her. And then, in a nice tone reminded her to get her jammies on. :-)
I am aware that I do this a lot, I fail so many times, but last night really struck home. Help me Jesus, help me to be aware and take advantage of these moments I'm given. Not to let my own selfishness and frustrations get in the way. I only get one chance with these children that I love. If I don't make the most of it, how foolish and wasteful is that? Help me to notice and make the most of the little things, the moments that are flying by all to fast.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Nonstalgia
I was considering things in life this morning and my parents came to my mind. My parents fell in love and got hitched at the ripe old ages of 17 and 18. That was way back in 1975 and they are still going strong... um... 36 years later? Math has never been my strong suit... As I was thinking about their lives and legacy I was struck by the things in life that they endured together. They have had 9 kids together, 5 boys, 4 girls. My oldest brother Nathan was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor at age 2. The surgery to remove that tumor and the harsh treatments trying to get the cancer under control left my brother with mental and physical handicaps. My mom once told me, "They took my baby into the operating room that day and brought me out a completely different boy." I can't imagine... looking at my own little two year old son, how can you survive that? He was the brother I knew though, and I loved him, to me he was just "Nathan". We had a special game that we played together, it was just ours and I will cherish the memories of it forever. We called it "Bear and Nancy". :-) 13 years later the brain cancer returned, this time it was inoperable and claimed his life in 6 months time. Pearl Harbor Day, December 7, 1992 . I was 12. He got to pass away at home, on the living room couch surrounded by his family. I will never, ever forget the men that came and them taking his body away. I thought about what Nat had said to our dad weeks before, when he was still able to talk... "Dad, don't be sad, I'm not afraid, I'm going to be with Jesus." I didn't cry at his funeral, and made a vow to never cry again.
In the meantime my mommy's own health was deteriorating. She has some kind of undiagnosed autoimmune disease that has attacked every joint in her body. She has lived in severe pain for years. She did end up getting joint replacements in most of her larger joints and is able to walk fairly well these days but the toll that that has taken on her is irreversible. In spite of this she never really complained and choose to continue to homeschool all of us. I never doubted my parents love for me. I feel like it was very evident in the course of our daily lives. I will never, ever doubt that they did the very best they could to raise us.
Maybe, perhaps, I look at my growing up life through rose colored glasses but when I think about it these days it's mostly all warm fuzzies! I grew up on a "hobby farm", meaning it was more of a hobby, mainly to supplement our family, than to make a profit. I love to think back to working the farm with my brothers and sisters. I know I whined a lot back then, I never wanted to weed mile long rows of green beans in the blazing hot sun... but what would I give to do that right now? Having earthworm fights with my brothers and being covered in dirt from head to toe? I know I complained when the Saturday to "do chickens" (no, not that) came around. But seriously, how many of you can dress out 10 chickens in an hour? And my oh my, fresh fried chicken? NOTHING like it. We canned our produce together as a family, we ate dinner together as a family... we were a family, we were love.
I grew up on about 7 acres with two ponds. We ran barefoot and wild in those woods and fields all summer long. We'd hunt for snakes for hours. We'd have contests to see who could drag the biggest snapping turtle out of the pond muck... Wintertime meant family Friday's in front of the fireplace. Nearly every Friday evening when the weather was cold we'd stoke up the fire and roast hotdogs, followed by some old black and white movie...
I realize this is probably a pretty disjointed blog entry but I think really disjointedly most of the time. I guess that I just hope that someday my own children will look back as fondly on their childhoods as I do on mine. And yeah, I'm just going to say it, one of my biggest regrets in my life is that my own children aren't able to be near their grandparents and know them... Sunday's fried chicken dinner as one big family, all the marrieds, all the grandchildren... and that I'm so far away that it's hard for them to impart their wisdom to me. Lord knows I need it!
In the meantime my mommy's own health was deteriorating. She has some kind of undiagnosed autoimmune disease that has attacked every joint in her body. She has lived in severe pain for years. She did end up getting joint replacements in most of her larger joints and is able to walk fairly well these days but the toll that that has taken on her is irreversible. In spite of this she never really complained and choose to continue to homeschool all of us. I never doubted my parents love for me. I feel like it was very evident in the course of our daily lives. I will never, ever doubt that they did the very best they could to raise us.
Maybe, perhaps, I look at my growing up life through rose colored glasses but when I think about it these days it's mostly all warm fuzzies! I grew up on a "hobby farm", meaning it was more of a hobby, mainly to supplement our family, than to make a profit. I love to think back to working the farm with my brothers and sisters. I know I whined a lot back then, I never wanted to weed mile long rows of green beans in the blazing hot sun... but what would I give to do that right now? Having earthworm fights with my brothers and being covered in dirt from head to toe? I know I complained when the Saturday to "do chickens" (no, not that) came around. But seriously, how many of you can dress out 10 chickens in an hour? And my oh my, fresh fried chicken? NOTHING like it. We canned our produce together as a family, we ate dinner together as a family... we were a family, we were love.
I grew up on about 7 acres with two ponds. We ran barefoot and wild in those woods and fields all summer long. We'd hunt for snakes for hours. We'd have contests to see who could drag the biggest snapping turtle out of the pond muck... Wintertime meant family Friday's in front of the fireplace. Nearly every Friday evening when the weather was cold we'd stoke up the fire and roast hotdogs, followed by some old black and white movie...
I realize this is probably a pretty disjointed blog entry but I think really disjointedly most of the time. I guess that I just hope that someday my own children will look back as fondly on their childhoods as I do on mine. And yeah, I'm just going to say it, one of my biggest regrets in my life is that my own children aren't able to be near their grandparents and know them... Sunday's fried chicken dinner as one big family, all the marrieds, all the grandchildren... and that I'm so far away that it's hard for them to impart their wisdom to me. Lord knows I need it!
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